Sunday, December 27, 2009

Merry Christmas all


Have had a very quiet Christmas this year but still managed to overeat, had scallops and a lobster for christmas dinner and blue swimmer crabs at Paddies last night so we are seafooded out here. I have a nice recipie for crab and preserved lemon spagettini with parmazan so the little crabmeat we have left will go towards that  one evening.

There was a 50% tax govenment incentive up untill the end of this month so we have ended up buying a brand new Subaru Forester TS

We get it at the end of January when Angies car has to be returned. I have to use the car for 3 consecutive months for my business then she can have it.

An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill. Which one picked it up??


Santa! The other two don't exist!


My arm is still sore and doesnt have the full range of motion I hope it is going to get better sooner rather than later.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Saturday, December 5, 2009

various bits and bobs

Progress report on elbow injury - its still there and its still sore basically its going to be a bit of a long haul I think before I have the full use of my arm again. I'm missing fishing as the weather is hot and sea temps are up no doubt bringing with them all the fun big fish. Putting up decorations was a wee bit of a chore this year as Angie isnt known for her Christmas fervour as much as I am lol. Anyway I bent her arm to help me with the outside lights this year.


Windows 7 as you probably know, doesnt ship with an email program, so I downloaded windows live mail and another couple of windows live applications one other being windows live photo gallery, below are a few stiched up images around the house which took about 20 seconds to make.














Excuse the mess as the pics were an excersise in image stitching rather than showing off a showhome :)


Wednesday, November 4, 2009

spider man, snapping man and other heros.

Wooohoo a new complaint, I'm catching up with Angies brother George who has had every disease/ ailment known to man, I have another wee ailment called "snapping scaptula" what a great name, Snapping scapula is caused by problems in the soft tissues or bones of the scapula and chest wall. It can start when the tissues between the scapula and shoulder blade thicken from inflammation. The inflammation is usually caused by repetitive movements. Certain motions of the shoulder done over and over again, such as the movements of pitching baseballs or hanging wallpaper, can cause the tissues of the joint to become inflamed I blame my defibrulator as it altered my posture ever since it was fitted. I have had the prob for over 3 yrs but the weight of the cast is accentuating it lol.

Getting the outside of the house /office and fences sprayed for spiders today as there have been lots of redbacks around if the bloke arrives with his undies outside his trousers I'm not going to crack any jokes (Joker) oops sorry that was Batman that had it in for the Joker. So many Super Heros. Its the bi annual cleanup this weekend so my one good arm will be put to good use chucking out all my accumulated junk again.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

54 Days 20 Hours 49 Minutes untill Christmas day aghhhhhhhhhhhhhh the supermarkets are full of santa clause salt cellars already, so I went out and got a new TV, any excuse for a new toy I ended up with a panasonic 46inch plasma HD TV and they threw in a blu ray surround sound system for free :) there is a Chineese saying "he who dies with most toys wins" It used to be a Tawianeese saying. So I'm close to the lead.

Talking about time flying, the Internet has turned 40 years old this week, with its beginnings occurring at 9pm on October 29th, 1969. On that day, engineers at the University of California Los Angeles (UCLA) and Stanford Research Institute (SRI) nearly 400 miles away sent data over the first two nodes. Back then, the Internet was known as Arpanet, after the US Department of Defense's Advanced Research Projects Agency (ARPA), which commissioned its creation.

Not much in the way of news here apart fro my elbow hurting, I'm not good with pain and the pain killers (endone) put me to sleep big time.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Very confusing times

Well I had a customer called Jess in the office with her wee dog Dresden or summat, and Jessy was in meeting with Dresden, sniffing bums etc and another customer came in, shes called Michelle and thankfully Dresden wasnt called Michelle cos I told Jessy to "go out the back" and the first customer started to leave and it was all sooooooooo confusing. I put it down to my drugs, 15 mins and I can partake again.

I had a few jobs that I have done in the office since i got back but its hard to concentrate.

Japanese car Tokai Challenger has crossed the ceremonial finish line in the World Solar Challenge, the race across Australia for cars powered by the sun.

The Tokai University car won the 3,021 kilometre race from Darwin to Adelaide on Wednesday afternoon, and completed the run into the city centre on Thursday morning.
It averaged just over 100km/h for the journey, just short of the race record.




A central Queensland dog which jumped up and down on its owner's chest after the man suffered a massive heart attack may have saved his life.

Teka the three-year-old Australian cattle dog has been given the RSPCA's animal achievement award following the 2007 feat at a glass factory near Bundaberg.
Owner Jim Touzeau's heart stopped and he collapsed unconscious on the factory floor when Teka climbed onto his chest and began to jump repeatedly with all four paws.
The dog also barked in his face, rousing him enough to raise the alarm with his son. So perhaps those of you who are considering sending Fido to the dog whisperer may now rather foster and improve on the jumping up / yapping thing.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Bionic man


Well I have been fitted with a new elbow, I sort of knew I'd made a mess of the old one, my surgeon was in for a chat and he said it was a big job with tendons needing fixed as well as the shattered joint.
Ok for those in the know,

Findings:

There is a comminuted fracture of the head and neck of the radius.The head of the radius is fractured into multiple fragments with a large triangular shape fragment lying in the posterior aspect of the elbow joint. There is approx 40% of the articular cortex of the radial head lying adjacent to the capitellium in a roughly congruent alignment. There are multiple smaller fracture fragments within the humerothochlear compartment, of coronoid orogin. At the posterior margin of the olecinanon is a further larger fracture fragment.

Ohh the image is after they installed my titanium bitty.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Windows 7

Well its very pretty and people that have jumped from win xp to seven I think will appreciate the prettyness. If you have paid A$199 to upgrade from vista you will fistly notice how similar it is to vista, then the features that are missing like email, I liked windows mail in vista. Then you might notice that control panel only has 8 headings vista had too many to count and it was difficult to find anything. I jumped my laptop from xp pro to win 7 home premium, which was actually a clean install as you cant upgrade from xp, thankfully you can use the microsoft  easy transfer tool to transfer your documents and settings from xp and its an easy install. The full windows 7 home premium costs $299 and profesional is $449, a lot of money for a glorified vista service pack ? or is it a revolutionary new operating system? I need to do a lot more digging before I can say. Anyway I needed to buy the system so I can learn it and give tuition / fixup windows 7 down the track.
Ok on to more exciting stuff, One of the pilots of a Northwest Airlines flight carrying 144 passengers that missed its destination of Minneapolis by 240 kilometres has denied he and the captain fell asleep at the controls.

First officer Richard Cole also denied they had an argument causing them to fly into the neighbouring state of Wisconsin before they turned around.
Air traffic controllers tried for more than an hour to contact the pilots.
Both were repeatedly called on their mobile phones and sent text messages but not until they were 240 kilometres past their destination did they respond. Mr Cole would not say just what it was that led to them to forget to land but insisted they were not asleep or arguing. The pilots have told authorities they were having a discussion. leep Probably discussing windows7.

I'm getting into the swing of the painkillers you take enought to send you to sleep till the effects wear off then take more. Ohh and if you dont know if your asleep or not take more.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Well I have broken my elbow, I fell off my pushbike, so the blog for the foreseable future will be typed with one hand, actually its always been typed with one finger Rob so no changes there. I was cycling home from a poker game at the club when I had the accident, no Mom I wasn't drunk, but I had been drinking so they take a blood sample, apparently I could have lost licence points if over the limit? So dont drink and drive now dont drink and drive or cycle ohh and dont take your boat out either.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Blogs and why we blog

I just had a read of Jessica's Blog as she headed out to sea on her adventure, she may be young and I really feel its a misguided venture, but I must admit to being a bit envious of her present circumstances. I have done a fair bit of chugging and drifting around out at sea and its an awesome thing the Ocean, it can be tranquil and inspire poets like Mr Wordsworth

"How richly glows the water's breast
Before us, tinged with evening hues,
While, facing thus the crimson west,
The boat her silent course pursues!
And see how dark the backward stream!
A little moment past so smiling!
And still, perhaps, with faithless gleam,
Some other loiterers beguiling."

And Mr Shairp

Bobbing.

It can be light and reflect a cloudless sky like a mirror and it can be dark and reveal nothing of its sinister depths, at times it is alive with ripples carressing your craft and at times you are tossed like a cork in an unbelievable chaotic frenzy of power. I have been out at sea at night and the wake is alight, it can be quiet and it can be deafening and when it gets in your blood you can never Not love it.


Blinkin heck Rob that didn't rhyme or owt mate. Ok I'm not a poet and now I know it. Wait, na.

William McGonagall is best known as the world's worst poet. His unique style of versification breaks the laws of rhythm, rhyme and common sense in a manner that has eluded his thousands of imitators for more than a century. According to "The Autobiography of Sir William Topaz McGonagall, Poet and Tragedian, Knight of the White Elephant Burmah," the bard was lucky recipient of the "divine inspiration". I just read some McGonagall and think he was actually quite good lol.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Ok I can't keep my nose out of this one, The Smacking Debate,a referendum on the smacking of children has just been held in New Zealand - and 88 per cent of Kiwis who took part voted to re-legalise it. Two years ago, the Labor Government made it illegal for parents to smack their children as a form of discipline and the law generated emotional debate. I think Jessica Watson ( the single hand teenage sailor) and her parents should be smacked, I think the silly sod that came up with the idea that kids don't need discipline, should be smacked and gagged, and the lady at my poker tournament yesterday who wouldn't let me play with my iphone poker game should be smacked, sorry I mean sacked, what an attitude she had, spoilt my whole day.

Theres a scout jamboree in the park this weekend, if any of them misbehave I think they should be smacked and that includes Akela. 

A Victorian woman has been questioned by police and threatened to be charged with assault after hitting her 9-year-old daughter with a wooden spoon. Claire Davidson was warned by police that she risked an assault-with-a-weapon charge after her child revealed in a classroom discussion that her mother hit her with the spoon "We only use the wooden spoon and that is only when she is being naughty and we give her fair chance to rectify the situation and we talk her through it," She said her daughters gets three warnings and, then, "it is spoon time." Her nine year old is apparently going to be bad again so her mum gets the jail then she is heading off round the wolrd in a bath tub sponsered by Apple and Pedigree dog food.
Jessica is surrounded by security cameras and newspaper folks this morning as she gets ready to set sail, good luck to her, but I really think she should have done some long haul sailing before heading out on this venture.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Readers says Hey Hey's Jackson Jive skit 'not racist'

Well I didn't grow up in Australia and maybe my sense of humour is a bit different to the average Aussie, but I dont find Hey Hey its Saturday very funny at the best of times, I do think the Jackson Jive skit would is offensive and is tasteless.
However an overwhelming 69 per cent of readers who voted in online polls across Australia said the skit – which featured four men with blackened faces wearing afro wigs miming to the Jackson Five’s Can You Feel It – was neither racist nor tasteless. My question is were the people voting coloured? surely if you want to find out if something is offensive you ask the people that may be offended and in that case that would be coloured people.

I went to primary school on a tiny wee island off the west coast of Scotland and secondary school in a wee town called Oban, the population on the island was 100% caucasian and 99.5% caucasian in Oban so I suppose I never experienced racism until moving to Australia, we did have Religious bigotry between Prodestants and Catholics but in the Highlands it didnt seem as pronounced as in Glasgow where the first question wee kids ask is "are ye a Proddy or a Pape"

I have a pal here Ray who is an Aborigional and was my deckhand when I worked on the tugs, I was horrified when other crew would call him a "coon" and "wee black whatever" but it seemed not to bother him and in retrospect I think it was because he grew up with it, I don't like it at all.


Anyway, my blog so far hasn't been very amusing so the photo above has the caption "We just love cats here so much we just want to squeeze them and hug them and love them forever"

Ohh as well  the mystery of crop circles in poppy fields in Australia's southern island state of Tasmania has been solved -- stoned wallabies are eating the poppy heads and hopping around in circles.  Of course, it's not like they are smoking it - but they certainly are hard at work.
"We have a problem with wallabies entering poppy fields, getting as high as a kite and going around in circles," the state's top lawmaker Lara Giddings told local media on Thursday.
"Then they crash. We see crop circles in the poppy industry from wallabies that are high," she said.
For a long time people have believed that crop circles were created by aliens from other planets but it has actually been tweaked out wallabies.
Poppy producer Tasmanian Alkaloids said livestock which ate the poppies were known to "act weird" -- including deer and sheep in the state's highlands.
"There have been many stories about sheep that have eaten some of the poppies after harvesting and they all walk around in circles," said field operations manager Rick Rockliff.
Australia produces about 50 percent of the world's raw material for morphine and related opiates.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Grumpy and other fun names


I have a fishing boat called Gumpy, she has the name in big letters on her sides and lots of people recognise the boat when I'm out fishing and give me a call on the radio.
I wonder what the reasoning is behind naming your kids weird names like "Dweezil", thats one of Frank Zappa's childrens names, he has two other kids "Moon Unit" and "Diva Thin Muffin Pigeon". He isnt alone with this craze either, "Sparrow Midnight" is Nicole Richies wee girl, "Sunday Rose"is Nicole Kidman and Keith Urbans offering," Bronx Mowgli" is Ashley Simpson Pete Wentz's effort," Princess Tiaamii "has parents Jordan and Peter Andre, "Audio Science's" mother is Shannyn Sossaman, "Fifi Trixibell" can thank  Bob Geldof and Paula Yates, "Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily" has parents: Michael Hutchence, Paula Yates "Poppy Honey" and "Daisy Boo" have  Jamie and Jules Oliver to blame and "Pilot Inspektor" can thank father: Jason Lee. The only thing I see in common here are the Parents  mundane first names so therefore if you dont want a grandchild called Bronx Mowgli it may be a good idea to name your kids Bronx Mowgli or try and keep them off drugs and away from Paula Yates.

The Hoff was rushed to hospital yesterday after he  reportedly called  911.

He's had a very public battle with the bottle over the past few years, but he reckons this time it wasn't the beer - it was his ear!
Word is, he was on drugs for his bung ear, along with other medication to stop him from drinking.
Those powers combined reportedly made him sick.

Hasselhoff  crossed over to a music career during the end of the 1980s and the early 1990s which is what may have started him off drinking heavy if he ever listened to any of his music.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Silvio Berlusconi




"What are your vital statistics my dear?" 36 26 34, "Great would you like a job as education minister" "ohh you are illiterate, would you like a job as Chancellor of the Exchequer "? oops sorry I thought I was the Italian Prime Minister there for a second. 

Silvio is the deserved focus of my blog today less than a year after his first remark about US President Barack Obama having a great 'tan', Berlusconi goes a step further. He says First Lady Michelle must sunbathe with her husband as she too has a great tan. Everyone should be allowed one great blooper but the Italian Stalion goes from blooper to blooper like a fly on crumbs. The Italian premier caused a huge upset after he said while he was considering deploying nearly 30,000 troops to Italy's cities, there would never be enough soldiers to protect the country's many 'beautiful girls' from rape. He maintains his comment was a compliment towards Italian women. Ok heres another few quotes and at the end you can guess who from

"Read The Black Book of Communism and you will discover that in the China of Mao, they did not eat children, but had them boiled to fertilise the fields."


"I trust the intelligence of the Italian people too much to think that there are so many pricks around who would vote against their own best interests." 


"An Aids patient asks his doctor whether the sand treatment prescribed him will do any good. 'No', the doctor replies, 'but you will get accustomed to living under the earth'."
His response to critics who said the joke was offensive:
"They have lost their minds; they really have come to the end of the line, indeed they have gone beyond it. I would advise them, too, to undergo sand treatment..."


Gawdafi


Libyan leader Moammar Gaddafi did not cease to amaze as he gave his first ever address to the UN, taking the opportunity to slam the global body for being ineffective. His colorful speech, which was supposed to last 15 minutes, went on for an hour and 36 minutes,
At one point, Gaddafi grabbed hold of the UN charter and threw it over his shoulder.
After struggling to turn Khadafy’s insane ramblings at the UN into English for 75 minutes, the Libyan dictator’s personal interpreter got lost in translation.
"I just can’t take it any more," Khadafy’s interpreter shouted into the live microphone – in Arabic.
At that point, the U.N.’s Arabic section chief, Rasha Ajalyaqeen, took over and translated the final 20 minutes of the speech.
Gadhafi was dressed in flowing brown robe, and a black beret that he patted at times. As he listened to speeches before he took the stage, aides huddled around him; he kept his glasses, a red handkerchief and a rumpled yellow folder in front of him on the desk. The black beret patting thing probably reminded him of spanking of which he must have had a lot as a kid. That was in reference to yesterdays blog observation about spanked kids IQ's.

John Cleese and Greg Norman are getting divorced, not from each other, from their respective wives, John will have to fork out £8 million in cash and assets.
Ms Eichelberger, an American psychotherapist, will also receive £600,000 a year for seven years. Greg Norman was married to Chris Evert for 15 months so I'm not sure what thats worth. Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air Golf is a good way to ruin a nice walk.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

chirac

I loved this story. Former French President Jacques Chirac has announced that he has given away his beloved dog after it attacked him for a third time.

Sumo, a Maltese terrier, is reported to have bitten him in the stomach in their apartment in the capital, Paris.
Mr Chirac's wife, Bernadette, said the dog had been treated for depression after finding it difficult to come to terms with leaving the Elysee Palace.
In January this year, Mr Chirac had to be hospitalised after the dog sank his teeth into an unnamed body part.
In this latest attack, Mrs Chirac said that Sumo had been lying quietly at her feet but flew into a violent rage on the approach of her husband.
The dog leapt up and nipped the former French leader in the stomach.
"I was very scared because there was blood. It's terrible, the small teeth like that. He was going wild. He wanted to jump up and bite again," she said. There are some factions and one country (Australia) that recons Sumo should be awarded the Maltese Cross.


I also see in the news that

A towering Turk was officially crowned the world's tallest man on Thursday after his Ukrainian rival dropped out of the running by refusing to be measured.
Guinness World Records said that 8 foot 1 inch (2.47 meter) Sultan Kosen, from the town of Mardin in eastern Turkey, is now officially the tallest man walking the planet. Although the previous record holder, Ukrainian Leonid Stadnyk, reportedly measured 8 feet 5.5 inches (2.57 meters), Guinness said he was stripped of his title when he declined to let anyone confirm his height. Probably as he is 4ft 10 with a good imagination.


A new university study says that children who are spanked end up with lower IQ’s than children who aren’t spanked. You know what this means? When you think you're beating some sense into your kid, you're actually beating them senseless. Personally I think that Mrs Chirac may have been spanked a bit.
Another study shows the ice cap is melting faster than previously thought. Global warming deniers cite the positives. Polar bears are becoming better and better swimmers.
 I am going to save the blogs now onto a podcast "woohoo" I hear you cry and then silence as you google "podcast" It can be found at

http://robshairp.podbean.co/

Canadian astronaut

The man who plans on being "the first clown in space" said Thursday he's got some surprises planned for the crew of the international space station.Cirque du Soleil founder Guy Laliberte told reporters he plans to tickle the professional astronauts while they're sleeping, and is also bringing red clown noses to try to lighten things up on the orbiting station.I cant think of anything worse when I was trying to sleep than to have some bloke in a red nose trying to tickle me, I will be supprised if the Russian doesnt stick him with a fork or Mars probe or something. There was another Clown astronaut before him too that was that Lisa Marie Nowak  the diaper clown.


At the height of the space race in the 1960's, NASA decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.
After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $ 1 million. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.
The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.


China displayed a spectacular show on Thursday as it celebrated the 60th anniversary of the founding of the republic, but punctuated this with commitment to world peace. The show consisted of displaying its military might, Spectators witnessed the high technological level of China's military equipment and the completeness of its armed forces, I'm lost how this commited to world peace apart from maybe scaring everyone else into not slagging China about its deplorable human rights acts.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Stupid sausage

Well I often lecture my customers about downloading "free"stuff that ends up infecting their computers etc well I went and tried to get a free serial key for some software and as a result have had to spend the last 4 hrs formatting and reinstalling windows and software back on my laptop as I downloaded malware that corrupted windows.

IT'S an Aussie classic but now there's a new version. Vegemite's latest incarnation - a spread that mixes cream cheese with the original formula - has been christened after a three-month, nationwide naming competition.Kraft Foods yesterday announced the winning name: Vegemite iSnack2.0.
West Australian web designer Dean Robbins, 27, beat more than 48,000 entrants to come up with the winning name. Other entries suggested were Ruddymite, Wow Chow and 2ritemite.I personally like the "2ritemite" myself although the "i" phenomenon is very topical.
Acting Queensland Premier Paul Lucas has appealed to the family of teenage sailor Jessica Watson to call off her around-the-world solo expedition, after a report suggested she was inadequately prepared.
I agree Paul and I think the sponsers of her little venture should be held liable for any costs involved when she needs rescued from the Southern Ocean.
I was hoping to have got out fishing with Paddies son Blake while he was down on holidays but the wind has been howling all weekend so we didn't get out. This site has really good graphs for the weather here and it is pretty accurate.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Excersise


Well I went out and bought myself a home gym and its set up in the office so I will get pangs of guilt if I dont use it. Ohh thats not me in the picture although I have been getting a tan,my wee muscles ache but it feels good. Apparently its the realease of Endorphins that give you the good feeling, I had to google it of course and, Endorphins are endogenous opioid polypeptide compounds. They are produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates during strenuous exercise, ok that explaination did nothing for me thankfully I still feel good after my workout.Endorphins consists of two parts: endo- and -orphin; these are short forms of the words endogenous and morphine, intended to mean "a morphine-like substance originating from within the body."


When giant pandas Wang Wang and Funi arrive in Adelaide from China in November there will be 30 cameras to televise their every move a bit like Big Brother TV series. Adelaide Zoo life sciences and conservation director Kevin Evans said some enthusiasts even had several screens in their house simultaneously showing camera footage of pandas from around the world.

"Obviously the pandas won't know what's going on, but there are online clubs devoted to watching them, that's how charismatic and interesting these animals are to the world," he said. I recon they dont have enough to do and that this also says something about TV shows and how bad they are.
Theres a website called "Fans Of Big Brother" I was hopeing it would be a spoof site but its not :(   http://www.fansofbigbrother.com/ how rediculous oops how interesting.

WAIT good newssssssssssss On Monday Night, Big Brother will turn the lights off in the BB House for the very last time - After 8 seasons, around 728 days of isolation for 163 HMs and Intruders in total, including 1 Celebrity BB. wooohooo.

Friday, September 25, 2009

New outback dust storm forms


Brilliant I just finished washing down the car, boat and outside of the house to find out that another dust storm is brewing.

 Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.

Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that is the government's job.

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Canadians: Endure bitterly cold winters and are proud of it.
Brits: Endure oppressively wet and dreary winters and are proud of it.
Americans: Don't have to do either, and couldn't care less.
Aussies: Don't understand what inclement weather means.

Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success, and failure are inherited.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

Brits: Have produced many great comedians, celebrated by Canadians, ignored by Americans, and therefore not rich.
Aussies: Have produced comedians like Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious.
Canadians: Have produced many great comedians such as John Candy, Martin Short, Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, and all the rest at SCTV.
Americans: Think that these people are American!

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch 4 channels.
Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they played them in.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic about their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, in either language, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Brits: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their past citizens.
Americans: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their present citizens.
Canadians: Prattle on about how some of those great Americans were once Canadian.
Aussies: Waffle on about how some of their past citizens were once Outlaw Pommies, but none of that matters after several beers.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

weird red fog

Well what a weird morning light to wake up to it was like a strange red fog. The spectacular dust storm that swept through most of eastern Australia may have had its origins 12 months ago, an Australian expert says.
And with climate change set to bring more variability, Australia may experience more large scale dust storms in the future.
This week's storm covered a large area of eastern Australia, with PM10 (particles less than 10 micrometres) levels in most Australian cities being well above safe levels.I had all the windows in the house open and everything is covered in dust.Severe weather forecaster Dr Deryn Griffiths of the Bureau of Meteorology says the dust storm started two days ago when 100 kilometre per hour winds whipped up dust from the central region of Australia.

"It started in South Australia and has since extended across all of New South Wales and into Queensland."
She says extremely dry conditions throughout the interior of the country, along with strong winds, provided the perfect recipe for the dust storm.
"The township of Moomba in South Australia has had only 11 millimetres [of rain] this year - it's very, very dry," she said.Dr Griffiths says the dust storm is the biggest to hit the city of Sydney since the 1940s.


You re hiking around on Hampsted Heath (a park near London) at the end of a long sunny day. You run across (separately) the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill, Sir Baden Powell, and Sir Edmund Hillary, who all give you directions to the nearest tube stop. Whom don’t you believe? Your story teller, for there is no such thing as a completely sunny day in England.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Not Undercover Police :)

I saw this story in the news this afternoon under the heading "Nudie run police officers weren't the only ones with pants down" but I think "Not Undercover Police" is more cleverer.
"Senior police have been forced to front the media and admit two officers stripped off and ran around a police van at a set of traffic lights yesterday afternoon. Deputy Commissioner Stewart said he understood about five or six officers were in the van at the time, including a police sergeant, but all but one of them were off duty at the time.
The two officers who allegedly performed the daylight "nudie run" could face wilful exposure and public nuisance charges along with internal disciplinary action. Or they may make a callendar hehehe.
Some new sayings.
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.
IDEA HAMSTERS - People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOMs - (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What Yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
STARTER MARRIAGE - A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property, and no regrets.
STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
SWIPED OUT - An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
ALPHA GEEK - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.
ASSMOSIS - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
CHIPS & SALSA - Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."
IRRITAINMENT - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trial was a prime example. Bill Clinton's shameful video Grand Jury testimony is another.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
UNINSTALLED - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice mail of a vice president at a down sizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." * (Syn: DECRUITMENT)
YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal, "We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
GENERICA - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls,subdivisions. Used as in "We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in."
UMFRIEND - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Diane, my ... um ... friend."

goldfish


Well I didnt realise that goldfish would eat other fish untill I discovered the tail of one of my smaller fish sticking out of the mouth of the bigger goldfish. Here was me blaming wee Jack (boy who fed my fish when I was on holidays) I thought they had died and his Mom had burried them down the loo or summat, but it looks as if they had been eaten alive by Hannibal nee Angus.
Researchers in Switzerland have been able to make paralysed rats run again, using a treatment that could eventually help humans with spinal cord injuries."We used a combination of electrical stimulation, [a] different site on the docile aspect of the spinal cord, and adjusting drugs to transform the circuits from a non-functional state to a highly functional state," the researcher said.
"Indeed, after we did the stimulation, 10 minutes later the animal is able to walk and to stand on the treadmill continuously."
The rats could not initiate the motion, but they were not just reacting to the treadmill.
Once the limbs had been reanimated, the scientists then trained the rats for two months, changing the speed and direction of the treadmills.
The nerve circuit was able to process what the treadmill was doing and activate whatever muscles were needed for the rats to get faster, to move backwards, or to go sideways.
"It is still involuntary in the sense that this is not the rat consciously engaging the neural network in the spinal cord," he said.
"However - and this is the surprising finding - the network of neurons in the spinal cord really have the capacity to make decisions on their own."
I think this is what I require to do an excersise regieme.

A 1.3-metre bear has been shot dead after attacking nine people including tourists at a bus terminal in a mountainous area of Takayama in central Japan. 1.3 meters thats about 4 and a half foot, it was trapped in a souvenir shop, hardly supprising it attacked, they are renown for overcharging , I myself have felt like attacking.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Defibrulator check

Well I braved public transport today and came back from my defibrulator checkup by train, it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be apart from a young girl who couldnt seem to stop talking absolute nonsense.
3% of the defribulator type I have have been malfunctioning and giving their poor owners shocks, mine looks like it is ok but they are going to instal a device to read it, in the house, which will send the results to the cardio DR for him to ponder on. Some of the more recent models will do this automatically but my results will need to be sent by pressing a button.

I'm going back to the gym at Southerland hospital to lose a bit of weight and get shown up by 80yr olds overtaking me on the treadmills for 12 weeks.
I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started.
Day 1 They suggest I keep this "exercise diary" to chart my progress this week. Started the morning at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about ten points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics class. Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching a little from holding it in the whole time I was talking to her. This is going to be great.
Day 2 Took a whole pot of coffee to get me out the door, but I made it. Tanya had me lie on my back and push this heavy iron bar up into the air. Then she put weights on it, for heaven's sake! Legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it the full mile. Her smile made it all worth it. Muscles feel great
Day 3 The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the tooth brush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I am that I have developed a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was okay as long as I didn't try to steer. I parked on top of a Volkswagen. Tanya was a little impatient with me and said my screaming was bothering the other club members. The treadmill hurt my chest so I did the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by the invention of elevators? Tanya told me regular exercise would make me live longer. I can't imagine anything worse.
Day 4 Tanya was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a full snarl. I can't help it if I was half an hour late, it took me that long just to tie my shoes. She wanted me to lift dumbbells. Not a chance, Tanya. The word "dumb" must be in there for a reason. I hid in the men's room until she sent Lars looking for me. As punishment she made me try the rowing machine. It sank.
Day 5 I hate Tanya more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. If there was any part of my body not in extreme pain I would hit her with it. She thought it would be a good idea to work on my triceps. Well, I have news for you Tanya, I don't have triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me any barbells. I refuse to accept responsibility for the damage, you went to sadist school, you are to blame. The treadmill flung me back into a science teacher, which hurt like crazy. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like a music teacher, or social studies?
Day 6 Got Tanya's message on my answering machine, wondering where I am. I lacked the strength to use the TV remote so I watched eleven straight hours of the weather channel.Day 7 Well, that's the week. Thank goodness that's over. Maybe next time my wife will give me something a little more fun, like free teeth drilling at the dentist's.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

yachts, google and legionaires

Well I have Legionella longbeachae, kidding kidding, actually I have no new diseases this week and have been eating fruit so have lost weight since getting back from my holidays.


OK what shall I blog about ? hmmmmmmmmmmmm ohh yes the youngest person to sail around the world attempt by Jessica Watson a 16 year old schoolgirl from the sunshine coast in Queensland.

She ran into a cargo ship and demasted her boat. I think single handed attempts to sail around the world should be assisted by radar with colision warning alarms, which are common nowadays, the sailor cant be expected to be on watch 24 hours a day, well actually they are expected to be on watch 24hours a day by maritime law and quite right or else they would be bashing into poor cargo ships all the time.

Anyway, in my experience, plastic yachts dont always show up on radar well, so I dont automatically blame the ship that collided with her I just think if your in a small yacht heading around the world single handed then I would want a radar that would alert me to close call situations especially as icebergs and floating containers dont have people on watch either.

A mysterious doodle appeared on the Google home page showing an alien spacecraft making off with the second "O" in the word "Google."
Were we really expected to merely gogle now? Didn't that sound uncomfortably close to ogling.

Pat: Hey, Chris! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.Chris: To tell you the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.Pat: You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird? I can't believe it!Chris: Well, yeah. After all, he's a parrot fish.Pat: I hate to tell you this, Chris, but while you might be able to teach a parrot bird to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.Chris: That's what you think! He can sing all right. The thing is, he keeps singing off-key. It's driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Spring Clean

Well I spent today power washing my patio pavers and gardening, its been another perfect day weather wise and everything in the garden is starting to sprout, I planted two tomato plants and some coriander and will plant another two tomato plants in three weeks. As ussual I potted the plants without reading the instructions on the mix, gardeners using potting mix should always follow the manufacturer’s safety instructions on the bag.
:· Wear a particulate disposable mask to avoid breathing in dusts. These are available from large hardware stores
;· Wear suitable eye protection such as good quality sunglasses, or goggles/safety glasses;· Do not shake the bag before opening it, as this will produce dust particles
; · Moisten contents of bag by spraying lightly with water upon opening. Do this by making a small opening and insert a garden hose to dampen potting mix to avoid creating dust
;· Always open potting mix bags at arms length in a well ventilated place with care to avoid breathing in airborne particles
;· Store potting mix products in a cool dry location to limit growth of bacteria
;· Clean up by sweeping whilst the product is damp to reduce dust; and
· Wash hands on completion of use of potting mix and wash work clothes regularly.

Well I washed my hands afterwards, I wonderered why all the fuss, well its due to Legionella longbeachae, a form of Legionnaires’ disease. It is found in minute quantities in the general environment (including soil) and is not a health hazard. But the ingredients and moistness of potting mix make it the ideal breeding ground for the bacteria. instead of calling it Legionella etc they should call it "potting mix pox" I'd have worn gloves. Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration.

The garden center had some terms for their plants including,
"A favorite of birds" which i recon interperates to, avoid planting near cars, sidewalks, or clotheslines.
"Grows more beautiful each year" means "Looks like roadkill for the foreseeable future."
"May require support" means engineering degree will finally pay off.
"Moisture-loving" plants are ideal for landscaping all your bogs and swamps.
"Carefree" refers more to the plant's attitude than to your workload.
"Vigorous" is code for "has a Napoleonic compulsion to take over the world."
"Grandma's Favorite" -- until she discovered free-flowering, disease-resistant hybrids

Friday, September 4, 2009

Rewiring

My telephone line went dead yesterday, I had run an telephone extension cable underground to the shed last year for my modem and it must have shorted. I used to have really poor internet wireless reception in the house due to the distance the modem was from the house so I decided now to have the wireless modem in Angies office in the back bedroom and run ethernet cable, which is thicker than the tellephone cable, to the shed and into a router there. I now have 4 bars on my wireless internet :) in the living room and 4 bars in the shed :) and ethernet so it has worked out ok.

Yawn, did I hear a yawn? Well whateva, its my blog and I'll blog about whateva.

Jessie , my one remaining doggy goes everywhere with me now, she loves it, she may only get to sit in the car while I do a housecall or drop a pc off or something but its like an adventure for her, I never really thought about it much before, but if your dog is in the yard all the time apart from a wee walkies in the morning it must be like being in jail.

What is Australia coming to, Mr Della Bosca resigned today amid revelations he had an affair with a 26-year-old woman. Bob Hawk would have got a medal and a lifetime free box in the Sydney Football Stadium. This thought brings me to the weather, and Scotland, and Australia and thoughts of moving back to Scotland. Why? well its bloody perfect weather here mate. August has been the warmest on record and driest in 19 yrs. And its not just the weather I've had the busiest week ever cos people were waiting for me to get back to fix up their computer problems. Idealy 6 months in each country would be ideal.

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?""I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."

Sunday, August 30, 2009

0400 and wide awake

Well I slept like a wee log for about 5 hours till 0330 and got up at 0400 wide awake, I think I have a slight case of desynchronosis, good word ehh :) means jetlag, a temporary disorder that causes fatigue, insomnia and other symptoms as a result of air travel across time zones.

Its almost spring here and we have 6 bushfires on the south coast of NSW threatening properties, according to the fire chief the weather felt like a summers day with very blustery winds fanning the fires like we usually get in summers days. I hope noone loses their homes or lives in these fires.

I phoned Sheena to see how she was feeling and she is sick, I hope her grandson Joey ( Platypus) doesnt contract it as he is only 8 months old and she was baby sitting him the other day.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

home james and swine flu

Well we are back home in Sydney, I have a cold , runny nose, chesty cough and a bit feverish. Last night in Hong Kong when we arrived, Russel had left a message to say Sheena has swine flu so I went back to the airport medical center to see if I should have a test given my symptoms, there was no Dr on duty so I had to take a taxi across Hong Kong 30 mins drive and almost $300 to find an A&E. There were about 6 million Chineese in the que all with masks on, so I pushed 5.7 million aside and bribed the ones that looked like they may have had black belts in Origami or wateva to get to the front of the que, as you do being an uncultured Gijin. I didnt want our rep as being barbarians being spoilt. Anyway after a short wait of about 2 hours the dr saw me and was happy that my flu is just flu flu not one named after some poor animal. He gave me scripts for various drugs and I went in search of the Pharmacy which is well hidden in a labirynth below the hospital. The Dr and scripts cost me nothing apparently as I'd argued with the receptionist that I thought a swine flu consultation for someone in transit should be free.

It was about 0030 before i got back to the hotel so my plans of having a good sleep to break the journey went amiss, but thankfully we are home in one peice and I've just remembered I shouldnt be drinking this scotch due to the drugs :)

Monday, August 24, 2009

Highest point on Luing






Well the bracken was as high as my second youngest nephew in places when we went for a hike today up towards the highest point on the island, I tried carrying him on my shoulders for a while and I tell you the young moms you see carrying their kids around get a workout.




The islands look different from the high viewpoint.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Internet withdrawls





Well Sheena, who is in holiday in Ibitza had her phone / internet disconnected so I had internet withdrawls this last few days, its amazing how much i use it for researching things. My wee neice
Cara had a residue of a tranfer tatoo when I was down last week and I have been searching high and low around Scotland for some for her as a present if only I'd had google.

Sheenas dog Gus, had me tearing my hair, whats left of it, out this morning as he just wouldn't come back for me, I think it was due to the park we were in and the fact that he maybe doesnt come for Sheena there, as he was ok when we walked off lead along the canal yesterday and he swam etc, anyway it took three qaurters of an hour before i could rugby tackle him and get him back on the lead. Anyway I'm back down on the island again with the attack cat.

I'd really like to move back to Scotland, there seems to be a bit of a shortage of computer repair men here :) so I think having the house valued when we get back is on the cards, mind you as soon as I sink back into my sofa or go out fishing with Paddy or even enjoy my walk / paddle with Jessie in a dry climate I may well change my mind again, I used to be undecisive now I'm not sure. Its raining here today which reminds me of a wee story.
A long time ago, in Communist Russia, there was a famous weather man named Rudolf. He's always had a 100% accuracy rate for his forecasts of the Russian weather conditions. His people loved him and respected him for his faultless foresight. He was particularly good at predicting rain. One night, despite clear skies, he made the prediction on the 6:00pm news broadcast that a violent storm was approaching. It would flood the town in which he and his wife lived. He warned the people to take proper precautions and prepare for the worst. After he arrived home later that evening, his wife met him at the door and started arguing with him that his weather prediction was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. This time, she said, he had made a terrible mistake. There wasn't a cloud anywhere within 10 miles of the village. As a matter of fact, that day had been the most beautiful day that the town had ever had and it was quite obvious to everyone that it simply wasn't going to rain. He told her she was to be quiet and listen to him. If he said it was going to rain, IT WAS GOING TO RAIN. He had all of his Russian heritage behind him and he knew what he was talking about. She argued that although he came from a proud heritage, IT STILL WASN'T GOING TO RAIN. They argued back and forth for hours , so much that they went to bed mad at each other. During the night, sure enough one of the worst rainstorms hit the village the likes of which they had never seen. That morning when Rudolf and his wife arose, they looked out the window and saw all the water that had fallen that night. "See," said Rudolf, "I told you it was going to rain." His wife admitted: "Once again your prediction came true. But I want to know, just how were you so accurate, Rudolf?" To which he replied, "You see, Rudolf the Red knows rain dear!"

Friday, August 14, 2009

Back in Inverness




Well we travelled back up to Inverness today via Crianlarach due to a delay on the Fort William road, hopefully it wasnt another fatal accident we had to wait for 3 hours on the way down to Luing as a motor cyclist had died on the A82 at Glen Cloy we ended up missing the last ferry and getting a lift across in a tinny. The route via Crianlarich and Glen Coe was a nice run but took twice the time.


The Massacre of Glencoe occured in the early morning of 13 February 1692, during the era of the "Glorious Revolution" and Jacobitism. In Gaelic, the event is named 'Mort Ghlinne Comhann' (murder of Glen Coe). The massacre began simultaneously in three settlements along the glen—Invercoe, Inverrigan, and Achnacon—although the killing took place all over the glen as fleeing MacDonalds were pursued. Thirty-eight MacDonalds from the Clan MacDonald of Glencoe were killed by the guests who had accepted their hospitality, on the grounds that the MacDonalds had not been prompt in pledging allegiance to the new monarchs, Mary and William II. Another forty women and children died of exposure after their homes were burned.


We also traveled over the moor of Rannoch which is a large expanse of around 50 square miles (130 km²) of boggy moorland. Rannoch Moor is designated a National Heritage site.
It is notable for its wildlife, particularly famous for the sole British location for the Rannoch-rush, named after the moor. It was also frequently visited by Horace Donisthorpe (what a great name ehh), who collected many unusual species of ants on the moor and surrounding hilly ground. Today it is still one of the few remaining habitats for the "narrow-headed ant".
Peat deposits pose major difficulties to builders of roads and railways. When the West Highland Line was built across Rannoch Moor, its builders had to float the tracks on a mattress of tree roots, brushwood and thousands of tons of earth and ashes.


One of the villages we passed through is called Fortingall. The venerable yew tree in Fortingall churchyard has been dated to anything up to 5000 years old. The circumference was noted in 1769 as being 52 feet. Its a really picturesque village that doesnt look atall Scottish with its thatched cottages
There is a tradition which ascribes Fortingall as the birthplace of Pontius Pilate, the son of an Augustan ambassador and a local woman. This ancient tradition also claims that Pontius Pilate was related to the Scots King, Metallanus, whose royal seat was located on a hill fort called Dun Geal (the White Fort) at Fortingall.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Roughing it and the glorious 12th




Well we are really roughing it here only managed Lobster for lunch yesterday, whats the world coming too ehh? :) My Mother, bless her cotton socks, starts hording food for my visit months previous so the freezer is full of goodies I asked her one time if she prefered my to tell her I was coming home or to supprise her and she much prefers knowing in advance so she can hoard.


Its the Glorious 12th we should be out shooting something Grouse moors in Scotland and northern England report a surge in bird numbers this year after several very poor seasons due to outbreaks of disease-carrying parasites and unsuitable weather.

The last few years, grouse bags have been hit hard by infestations of disease-carrying ticks and the parasitic worm Trichostrongylus tenuis, which can decimate grouse populations. The industry is facing intense pressure from ministers, police and conservationists to crack down on illegal persecution of birds of prey, which are unlawfully poisoned and shot by gamekeepers who blame them for killing grouse.
A fresh crisis has emerged this year with a major outbreak of heather beetle, which kill off the young heather shoots that provide 80% of a grouse chick's food, and their characteristic purple or deep pink blossom. Many shooting moors report large-scale loss of heather, and reduced grouse numbers.
Serious heather beetle outbreaks used to occur every decade, but according to the Game and Wildlife Conservation Trust, they are now happening every five years, suggesting a wetter and warmer climate may be to blame.

A guy decided it was time to introduce his blonde girlfriend to the great outdoors, so he takes her hunting for the weekend.They were pretty deep into the woods when he began to have horrible pains in his chest! The blonde began to panic ... "Are you alright? Are you alright?" But suddenly, the guy finally grabs his chest and falls over. Just before his eyes close he manages to mumble, "Call 911"The blonde frantically grabbed the phone and dials the 911 operator. "You've got to help me," she screamed into the phone, "My boyfriend has had a terrible heart attack and he's not breathing! I'm here in the woods all alone and I think he's dead!"The 911 operator goes, "Okay, you've got to calm down. I'm going to tell you everything you need to do.""But I think he's dead!" she continued to scream."Okay ... before I can tell you what to do you need to calm down. Can you lay the phone down and make sure he's dead, then come back to the phone?"The blonde screams into the phone, "Okay okay! Hold on ..."There was silence on the line for a moment and then the 911 operator hears a loud "KABLAM!"The blonde comes back on the line and says, "Okay, he's dead. What now?"

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Isle of Luing





Well its raining this morning so a good chance to blog about where my parents live and I grew up.


The island is only 6 miles long by about a mile wide and has a population of about 200 which has been pretty stable over the last 40 yrs, owned predominately by a farming family called Cadzow the island has two villages that were initially populated by quarriers as the island has fine slate. Early signs of habitation on the Island include two ruined hill forts. The southern most of these still has a flight of steps, and pillared doorways. The island was part of the kingdom of the Lord of the Isles, and passed through the hands of the MacDougals, MacDonalds, MacLeans and Campbells.




My Father fished lobster here as did his and we were talking last night about the Argyll Marine Special Areas of Conservation and the fact that they have stopped various methods of fishing namely dredging in the Firth of Lorne and the area round the island, I was supprised when my Father offered the opinion that if dredging was to be stopped then all fishing should be. The marine area round the island now covers 210 km2 including the gulf of Corryvrechan which when running is the 3rd largest whirlpool in the world.

Attacked by a killer cat


I have suffered bites and have been mauled by a guard cat on the isle of Luing. Dealanach (Lightning in Gaelic) so called as she attacks at lightning speed is apparently "only playing "when she attacks, according to my Mom anyway :)
Its a top day here, sunny and warm, we had a visit to Oban and lunched out at a seafood place that used to be the seamans mission in the town. Its half six in the evening and the sun is still high in the sky, I'll get a sunset probably by half ten this evening.
My folks have the best view from their house which looks out over to the isles of the sea and Mull, About 542 St. Brendan the Navigator founded a monastery on Eilach, Holy Isle, one of the isles of the sea , possibly because of the combination of its isolation and good grazing. This may make the remains the oldest extant church buildings in Britain, although the earliest written record of its existence dates from the late 9th century.The monastery was destroyed by - or, at least, may have become excessively vulnerable to Viking raiders, from about 800 The island has probably seen only intermittent occupation since, which has contributed to the survival of the ruins of many of the monastic buildings, including two chapels, beehive cells, and a graveyard with three crosses and another circular grave. The cells are contained in a pentagonal enclosure overlooking the rocky landing place on the south, which is guarded by various skerries, The oldest chapel is rectangular and may date from the 11th or 12th centuries.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Weddings and long drives







Was a wonderful day for a wedding congratulations Mr and Mrs Grant, it must feel weird being addressed as Mrs "whatever" for the first while, anyway I hope they will have a great life together and it was nice to meet my new inlaws.





Sheena (bridemaid) and Russel (best man)





We let this bloke in as he had bagpipes, actually he's the father of the bride, really handy ehh :)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

London airport

Its great all this free wifi, encourages me know end to blog away, so whats been happening since I blogged last? Well I've travelled 5995 miles or 9648 Kilometres about 5000 miles of which i was in blissfull logland untill rudely awakened by buisness class shaking violently, it wasnt a mechanical failure or bad weather but Angie laughing at Dara O Brien in the next seat. No Dara wasn,t on board it was on a show that was playing.


It was bonny coming into London with only high clouds and a red sunrise but someone must have told the old guy upstairs as its peeing cats and dogs out there now, whats new ehh.


A swarm of deadly tropical jellyfish has washed into chillier climes. The Portuguese Man o'War jellyfish have already been found in Cornwall and now they are appearing on beaches in Pembrokeshire. Welcome England to what we have to watch out for in Australia some parts anyway.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Leg 2 starts off 1st class

Well I'm sitting in the 1st Class lounge in Hong Kong airport thanks to Angies Platinum frequent fliers card, I think downloading great plane disaster movies from utube and playing them loud on my laptop may outnoise the four screaming kids whos Mom seems to be adverse to corperal punishment that are sitting across from us here, I really hope they are in 1st class on the plane.



Today was wet and humid and we had to fill in the day finding airconditioned spaces as we were thrown out of the hotel at 1200. I almost forgot to pick up the new suit in the end.



Benson, Englands most popular fish, is dead :( the carp weighed in at a huge 64lb 2oz. and died at 26 yrs old. She was caught over 60 times by anglers.Benson's final resting place will be near the lake she loved - she is to be mounted and put in the lodge for all those on guided tours to see and admire. The wake will be attended by Donald the dogfish, Mike the maceral and Tammy the tuna
.

Theres a really large black lady waiting in the economy section, you know with the rest of the peasants, lol that will be me on the HK to Sydney leg on the way back anyway I just casually asked Angie if she thought all the women in her tribe would be her size , she said she didnt know so I said maybe we could stop off in Birmingham on the way North.

day 2 level 3 warning












It sounds a bit like a progression in a video game "day 2 Level 3" anyway it meant rain and wind and temps down to about 30 C which wasnt bad when you were in the wind but was stifling when out of it.



We visited the tailor for round two and then went to Aberdeen Harbour which is well blog worthy, The Jumbo Floating Restaurant was established in October 1976 after four years and over HK$30 million were spent to design and build it. It was originally decorated in the style of an ancient Chinese imperial palace. In 2000, two tugboats brought one of the floating barges from the Aberdeen Harbour to the mouth of the Manila Bay, and was rebranded as the Jumbo Kingdom Manila. Much of the original ancient Chinese imperial palace style renovation has been retained. The Jumbo Floating Restaurant recently went through a major multi-million dollar refurbishment which transformed it into a theme park on the sea which includes dining, shopping, sightseeing and cultural attractions. The thing is they forgot to renovate the back of it, Front of the Jumbo Resteraunt with paint



Back of the Jumbo Resteraunt which reveals it to be Yes not a Magical Emperors Palace but a collection of well used containers stacked on top of each other connected with ladders.



It was an insight to see Sampans, like the wee one we got a tour round the harbour in , alongside multi million dollar mo
tor cruisers. All the fishing fleet were alongside so there were all sorts of boats not many would I fancy being at sea on in any weather even the well found boats have no safety gear or anything I think I may have found the source for all those vessels that appear in Australia full of refugees.



After we found a second Tailor, which wasn't a hard feat, and Angie got measured up we went back to the hotel and jumped in the pool.