Sunday, September 27, 2009

Stupid sausage

Well I often lecture my customers about downloading "free"stuff that ends up infecting their computers etc well I went and tried to get a free serial key for some software and as a result have had to spend the last 4 hrs formatting and reinstalling windows and software back on my laptop as I downloaded malware that corrupted windows.

IT'S an Aussie classic but now there's a new version. Vegemite's latest incarnation - a spread that mixes cream cheese with the original formula - has been christened after a three-month, nationwide naming competition.Kraft Foods yesterday announced the winning name: Vegemite iSnack2.0.
West Australian web designer Dean Robbins, 27, beat more than 48,000 entrants to come up with the winning name. Other entries suggested were Ruddymite, Wow Chow and 2ritemite.I personally like the "2ritemite" myself although the "i" phenomenon is very topical.
Acting Queensland Premier Paul Lucas has appealed to the family of teenage sailor Jessica Watson to call off her around-the-world solo expedition, after a report suggested she was inadequately prepared.
I agree Paul and I think the sponsers of her little venture should be held liable for any costs involved when she needs rescued from the Southern Ocean.
I was hoping to have got out fishing with Paddies son Blake while he was down on holidays but the wind has been howling all weekend so we didn't get out. This site has really good graphs for the weather here and it is pretty accurate.

Saturday, September 26, 2009


Well I went out and bought myself a home gym and its set up in the office so I will get pangs of guilt if I dont use it. Ohh thats not me in the picture although I have been getting a tan,my wee muscles ache but it feels good. Apparently its the realease of Endorphins that give you the good feeling, I had to google it of course and, Endorphins are endogenous opioid polypeptide compounds. They are produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates during strenuous exercise, ok that explaination did nothing for me thankfully I still feel good after my workout.Endorphins consists of two parts: endo- and -orphin; these are short forms of the words endogenous and morphine, intended to mean "a morphine-like substance originating from within the body."

When giant pandas Wang Wang and Funi arrive in Adelaide from China in November there will be 30 cameras to televise their every move a bit like Big Brother TV series. Adelaide Zoo life sciences and conservation director Kevin Evans said some enthusiasts even had several screens in their house simultaneously showing camera footage of pandas from around the world.

"Obviously the pandas won't know what's going on, but there are online clubs devoted to watching them, that's how charismatic and interesting these animals are to the world," he said. I recon they dont have enough to do and that this also says something about TV shows and how bad they are.
Theres a website called "Fans Of Big Brother" I was hopeing it would be a spoof site but its not :( how rediculous oops how interesting.

WAIT good newssssssssssss On Monday Night, Big Brother will turn the lights off in the BB House for the very last time - After 8 seasons, around 728 days of isolation for 163 HMs and Intruders in total, including 1 Celebrity BB. wooohooo.

Friday, September 25, 2009

New outback dust storm forms

Brilliant I just finished washing down the car, boat and outside of the house to find out that another dust storm is brewing.

 Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.

Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that is the government's job.

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Canadians: Endure bitterly cold winters and are proud of it.
Brits: Endure oppressively wet and dreary winters and are proud of it.
Americans: Don't have to do either, and couldn't care less.
Aussies: Don't understand what inclement weather means.

Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success, and failure are inherited.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

Brits: Have produced many great comedians, celebrated by Canadians, ignored by Americans, and therefore not rich.
Aussies: Have produced comedians like Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious.
Canadians: Have produced many great comedians such as John Candy, Martin Short, Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, and all the rest at SCTV.
Americans: Think that these people are American!

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch 4 channels.
Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they played them in.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic about their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, in either language, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Brits: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their past citizens.
Americans: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their present citizens.
Canadians: Prattle on about how some of those great Americans were once Canadian.
Aussies: Waffle on about how some of their past citizens were once Outlaw Pommies, but none of that matters after several beers.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

weird red fog

Well what a weird morning light to wake up to it was like a strange red fog. The spectacular dust storm that swept through most of eastern Australia may have had its origins 12 months ago, an Australian expert says.
And with climate change set to bring more variability, Australia may experience more large scale dust storms in the future.
This week's storm covered a large area of eastern Australia, with PM10 (particles less than 10 micrometres) levels in most Australian cities being well above safe levels.I had all the windows in the house open and everything is covered in dust.Severe weather forecaster Dr Deryn Griffiths of the Bureau of Meteorology says the dust storm started two days ago when 100 kilometre per hour winds whipped up dust from the central region of Australia.

"It started in South Australia and has since extended across all of New South Wales and into Queensland."
She says extremely dry conditions throughout the interior of the country, along with strong winds, provided the perfect recipe for the dust storm.
"The township of Moomba in South Australia has had only 11 millimetres [of rain] this year - it's very, very dry," she said.Dr Griffiths says the dust storm is the biggest to hit the city of Sydney since the 1940s.

You re hiking around on Hampsted Heath (a park near London) at the end of a long sunny day. You run across (separately) the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill, Sir Baden Powell, and Sir Edmund Hillary, who all give you directions to the nearest tube stop. Whom don’t you believe? Your story teller, for there is no such thing as a completely sunny day in England.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Not Undercover Police :)

I saw this story in the news this afternoon under the heading "Nudie run police officers weren't the only ones with pants down" but I think "Not Undercover Police" is more cleverer.
"Senior police have been forced to front the media and admit two officers stripped off and ran around a police van at a set of traffic lights yesterday afternoon. Deputy Commissioner Stewart said he understood about five or six officers were in the van at the time, including a police sergeant, but all but one of them were off duty at the time.
The two officers who allegedly performed the daylight "nudie run" could face wilful exposure and public nuisance charges along with internal disciplinary action. Or they may make a callendar hehehe.
Some new sayings.
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.
IDEA HAMSTERS - People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOMs - (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What Yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
STARTER MARRIAGE - A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property, and no regrets.
STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
SWIPED OUT - An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
ALPHA GEEK - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.
ASSMOSIS - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
CHIPS & SALSA - Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."
IRRITAINMENT - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trial was a prime example. Bill Clinton's shameful video Grand Jury testimony is another.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
UNINSTALLED - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice mail of a vice president at a down sizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." * (Syn: DECRUITMENT)
YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal, "We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
GENERICA - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls,subdivisions. Used as in "We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in."
UMFRIEND - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Diane, my ... um ... friend."


Well I didnt realise that goldfish would eat other fish untill I discovered the tail of one of my smaller fish sticking out of the mouth of the bigger goldfish. Here was me blaming wee Jack (boy who fed my fish when I was on holidays) I thought they had died and his Mom had burried them down the loo or summat, but it looks as if they had been eaten alive by Hannibal nee Angus.
Researchers in Switzerland have been able to make paralysed rats run again, using a treatment that could eventually help humans with spinal cord injuries."We used a combination of electrical stimulation, [a] different site on the docile aspect of the spinal cord, and adjusting drugs to transform the circuits from a non-functional state to a highly functional state," the researcher said.
"Indeed, after we did the stimulation, 10 minutes later the animal is able to walk and to stand on the treadmill continuously."
The rats could not initiate the motion, but they were not just reacting to the treadmill.
Once the limbs had been reanimated, the scientists then trained the rats for two months, changing the speed and direction of the treadmills.
The nerve circuit was able to process what the treadmill was doing and activate whatever muscles were needed for the rats to get faster, to move backwards, or to go sideways.
"It is still involuntary in the sense that this is not the rat consciously engaging the neural network in the spinal cord," he said.
"However - and this is the surprising finding - the network of neurons in the spinal cord really have the capacity to make decisions on their own."
I think this is what I require to do an excersise regieme.

A 1.3-metre bear has been shot dead after attacking nine people including tourists at a bus terminal in a mountainous area of Takayama in central Japan. 1.3 meters thats about 4 and a half foot, it was trapped in a souvenir shop, hardly supprising it attacked, they are renown for overcharging , I myself have felt like attacking.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Defibrulator check

Well I braved public transport today and came back from my defibrulator checkup by train, it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be apart from a young girl who couldnt seem to stop talking absolute nonsense.
3% of the defribulator type I have have been malfunctioning and giving their poor owners shocks, mine looks like it is ok but they are going to instal a device to read it, in the house, which will send the results to the cardio DR for him to ponder on. Some of the more recent models will do this automatically but my results will need to be sent by pressing a button.

I'm going back to the gym at Southerland hospital to lose a bit of weight and get shown up by 80yr olds overtaking me on the treadmills for 12 weeks.
I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started.
Day 1 They suggest I keep this "exercise diary" to chart my progress this week. Started the morning at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about ten points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics class. Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching a little from holding it in the whole time I was talking to her. This is going to be great.
Day 2 Took a whole pot of coffee to get me out the door, but I made it. Tanya had me lie on my back and push this heavy iron bar up into the air. Then she put weights on it, for heaven's sake! Legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it the full mile. Her smile made it all worth it. Muscles feel great
Day 3 The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the tooth brush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I am that I have developed a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was okay as long as I didn't try to steer. I parked on top of a Volkswagen. Tanya was a little impatient with me and said my screaming was bothering the other club members. The treadmill hurt my chest so I did the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by the invention of elevators? Tanya told me regular exercise would make me live longer. I can't imagine anything worse.
Day 4 Tanya was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a full snarl. I can't help it if I was half an hour late, it took me that long just to tie my shoes. She wanted me to lift dumbbells. Not a chance, Tanya. The word "dumb" must be in there for a reason. I hid in the men's room until she sent Lars looking for me. As punishment she made me try the rowing machine. It sank.
Day 5 I hate Tanya more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. If there was any part of my body not in extreme pain I would hit her with it. She thought it would be a good idea to work on my triceps. Well, I have news for you Tanya, I don't have triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me any barbells. I refuse to accept responsibility for the damage, you went to sadist school, you are to blame. The treadmill flung me back into a science teacher, which hurt like crazy. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like a music teacher, or social studies?
Day 6 Got Tanya's message on my answering machine, wondering where I am. I lacked the strength to use the TV remote so I watched eleven straight hours of the weather channel.Day 7 Well, that's the week. Thank goodness that's over. Maybe next time my wife will give me something a little more fun, like free teeth drilling at the dentist's.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

yachts, google and legionaires

Well I have Legionella longbeachae, kidding kidding, actually I have no new diseases this week and have been eating fruit so have lost weight since getting back from my holidays.

OK what shall I blog about ? hmmmmmmmmmmmm ohh yes the youngest person to sail around the world attempt by Jessica Watson a 16 year old schoolgirl from the sunshine coast in Queensland.

She ran into a cargo ship and demasted her boat. I think single handed attempts to sail around the world should be assisted by radar with colision warning alarms, which are common nowadays, the sailor cant be expected to be on watch 24 hours a day, well actually they are expected to be on watch 24hours a day by maritime law and quite right or else they would be bashing into poor cargo ships all the time.

Anyway, in my experience, plastic yachts dont always show up on radar well, so I dont automatically blame the ship that collided with her I just think if your in a small yacht heading around the world single handed then I would want a radar that would alert me to close call situations especially as icebergs and floating containers dont have people on watch either.

A mysterious doodle appeared on the Google home page showing an alien spacecraft making off with the second "O" in the word "Google."
Were we really expected to merely gogle now? Didn't that sound uncomfortably close to ogling.

Pat: Hey, Chris! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.Chris: To tell you the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.Pat: You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird? I can't believe it!Chris: Well, yeah. After all, he's a parrot fish.Pat: I hate to tell you this, Chris, but while you might be able to teach a parrot bird to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.Chris: That's what you think! He can sing all right. The thing is, he keeps singing off-key. It's driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Spring Clean

Well I spent today power washing my patio pavers and gardening, its been another perfect day weather wise and everything in the garden is starting to sprout, I planted two tomato plants and some coriander and will plant another two tomato plants in three weeks. As ussual I potted the plants without reading the instructions on the mix, gardeners using potting mix should always follow the manufacturer’s safety instructions on the bag.
:· Wear a particulate disposable mask to avoid breathing in dusts. These are available from large hardware stores
;· Wear suitable eye protection such as good quality sunglasses, or goggles/safety glasses;· Do not shake the bag before opening it, as this will produce dust particles
; · Moisten contents of bag by spraying lightly with water upon opening. Do this by making a small opening and insert a garden hose to dampen potting mix to avoid creating dust
;· Always open potting mix bags at arms length in a well ventilated place with care to avoid breathing in airborne particles
;· Store potting mix products in a cool dry location to limit growth of bacteria
;· Clean up by sweeping whilst the product is damp to reduce dust; and
· Wash hands on completion of use of potting mix and wash work clothes regularly.

Well I washed my hands afterwards, I wonderered why all the fuss, well its due to Legionella longbeachae, a form of Legionnaires’ disease. It is found in minute quantities in the general environment (including soil) and is not a health hazard. But the ingredients and moistness of potting mix make it the ideal breeding ground for the bacteria. instead of calling it Legionella etc they should call it "potting mix pox" I'd have worn gloves. Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration.

The garden center had some terms for their plants including,
"A favorite of birds" which i recon interperates to, avoid planting near cars, sidewalks, or clotheslines.
"Grows more beautiful each year" means "Looks like roadkill for the foreseeable future."
"May require support" means engineering degree will finally pay off.
"Moisture-loving" plants are ideal for landscaping all your bogs and swamps.
"Carefree" refers more to the plant's attitude than to your workload.
"Vigorous" is code for "has a Napoleonic compulsion to take over the world."
"Grandma's Favorite" -- until she discovered free-flowering, disease-resistant hybrids

Friday, September 4, 2009


My telephone line went dead yesterday, I had run an telephone extension cable underground to the shed last year for my modem and it must have shorted. I used to have really poor internet wireless reception in the house due to the distance the modem was from the house so I decided now to have the wireless modem in Angies office in the back bedroom and run ethernet cable, which is thicker than the tellephone cable, to the shed and into a router there. I now have 4 bars on my wireless internet :) in the living room and 4 bars in the shed :) and ethernet so it has worked out ok.

Yawn, did I hear a yawn? Well whateva, its my blog and I'll blog about whateva.

Jessie , my one remaining doggy goes everywhere with me now, she loves it, she may only get to sit in the car while I do a housecall or drop a pc off or something but its like an adventure for her, I never really thought about it much before, but if your dog is in the yard all the time apart from a wee walkies in the morning it must be like being in jail.

What is Australia coming to, Mr Della Bosca resigned today amid revelations he had an affair with a 26-year-old woman. Bob Hawk would have got a medal and a lifetime free box in the Sydney Football Stadium. This thought brings me to the weather, and Scotland, and Australia and thoughts of moving back to Scotland. Why? well its bloody perfect weather here mate. August has been the warmest on record and driest in 19 yrs. And its not just the weather I've had the busiest week ever cos people were waiting for me to get back to fix up their computer problems. Idealy 6 months in each country would be ideal.

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?""I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."